The happiness point system

[yukarinpop]

I sat down today and thought about why I'm so down. Happiness is like a point system. You only get 100 points. When something happens that's good, those are plus points. When something bad happens, those are negative points.

Being in Yurisunrise and having fun with my friends and fans- +100 points!

Being kidnapped- -40 points

Being kicked out of YuriSunrise- -60 points

Atobe-san's Island- +40 points

Ku-chan taking me out for my birtday- +20 points

Being rejected by Miyuki-san- -30 points

Ivy-chan dying- -40 points

Current happiness points = -10 points. I'm in the negative. No wonder I feel so down. I'm looking for ways to be happy. I don't want to burden anyone with my sadness...but the things I once loved aren't bringing me joy right now. I feel like I can do very little without wanting to cry. I've tried meditating, therapy, massages, new hobbies....nothing is working. I miss my friends. It hurts that our friendship was just superficial to them, that I never really matter...That I was so easily replaced.

But I'm still holding out hope that this is all leading up to something good. I have to hold on to that hope. Otherwise, I'm only a burden.

Ku-chan...maybe we should hold off on our trip. In fact, I should probably move out. I'm only making myself miserable because I worry that I'm making you miserable.

Comments

[houtais.livejournal.com]

You're not making me miserable, 'Kari. I don't know what gave you that idea... I just don't know how else to help and I hate seeing you so down all the time.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

You've been helping so much, but I can tell you are getting worn down. I want you to go take a break, and I'll keep trying to feel better.

[houtais.livejournal.com]

I'm not getting worn down, not by you. So don't worry about me.

Do you think it would help to talk to a professional about all of this? Maybe they have fresher insights into what would help. I don't mind escorting you and waiting in the lobby if you're scared of the idea, but I do think that you should try.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'll go talk to someone.

[datenshikeshi.livejournal.com]

You're wrong, you know? About happiness being a point system. You're basing everything on major events, and they have an effect, a big effect... But little things can make us happy too. A warm drink, made just the way you like it. Cuddling under a blanket on a warm day. Being licked to death by an excited puppy! A silly movie that makes you laugh. Being loved, having friends, knowing you're not alone. Knowing you're safe. All these things add up too, so you should include them as well!

You feel down now, I know you do. It's been a hard time for you so you don't have to force yourself or try to be happy for anyone else but yourself! But the thing is... you need to start with yourself. I mean, you need to work out who you are now and how to move forward after everything. It's a slow process, it won't happen all at once. But it will, I promise. When you can start thinking about the future you'll be able to smile easier! Happiness... is a funny thing. I think what you need the most right now is peace.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

Oh...I didn't think of it that way....you're absolutel right.

[datenshikeshi.livejournal.com]

>>; I meant a warm blanket on a cold day...

But all I meant was... it's not a rush to be happy! You should try and find happiness in other things, little things. It's how it worked with me anyway. I never thought I'd be able to smile or laugh again, but I was wrong! And I'm glad I was.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

I can try. I guess I'm just not used to feeling hopeless.

[datenshikeshi.livejournal.com]

It's not a nice feeling, I know... But don't let it run or ruin your life! You're strong, you can beat this!

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Momo-san.

[atoberex.livejournal.com]

My island was only worth 40 points?

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you...

[atoberex.livejournal.com]

You didn't. I was just hoping that you would have found it more enjoyable. Did you manage to unwind even a little?

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

I did. The ball was fun, and the spa was very nice.

[atoberex.livejournal.com]

I'm glad then.