The happiness point system

[yukarinpop]

I sat down today and thought about why I'm so down. Happiness is like a point system. You only get 100 points. When something happens that's good, those are plus points. When something bad happens, those are negative points.

Being in Yurisunrise and having fun with my friends and fans- +100 points!

Being kidnapped- -40 points

Being kicked out of YuriSunrise- -60 points

Atobe-san's Island- +40 points

Ku-chan taking me out for my birtday- +20 points

Being rejected by Miyuki-san- -30 points

Ivy-chan dying- -40 points

Current happiness points = -10 points. I'm in the negative. No wonder I feel so down. I'm looking for ways to be happy. I don't want to burden anyone with my sadness...but the things I once loved aren't bringing me joy right now. I feel like I can do very little without wanting to cry. I've tried meditating, therapy, massages, new hobbies....nothing is working. I miss my friends. It hurts that our friendship was just superficial to them, that I never really matter...That I was so easily replaced.

But I'm still holding out hope that this is all leading up to something good. I have to hold on to that hope. Otherwise, I'm only a burden.

Ku-chan...maybe we should hold off on our trip. In fact, I should probably move out. I'm only making myself miserable because I worry that I'm making you miserable.

Comments

[houtais.livejournal.com]

You're not making me miserable, 'Kari. I don't know what gave you that idea... I just don't know how else to help and I hate seeing you so down all the time.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

You've been helping so much, but I can tell you are getting worn down. I want you to go take a break, and I'll keep trying to feel better.

[houtais.livejournal.com]

I'm not getting worn down, not by you. So don't worry about me.

Do you think it would help to talk to a professional about all of this? Maybe they have fresher insights into what would help. I don't mind escorting you and waiting in the lobby if you're scared of the idea, but I do think that you should try.

[yukarinpop.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'll go talk to someone.