~YUKARIN~

Done moving in now, thank goodness! I'm so tired! But the place is wonderful, and we have ROOM. I love my brother, but I'm glad to have space now. I keep seeing thoughts about Christmas, and I'm just over here being excited about curtains!

Today is going to be soooooo much fun!

And I can't even catch him off guard! The jerk!

I sat down today and thought about why I'm so down. Happiness is like a point system. You only get 100 points. When something happens that's good, those are plus points. When something bad happens, those are negative points.

Being in Yurisunrise and having fun with my friends and fans- +100 points!

Being kidnapped- -40 points

Being kicked out of YuriSunrise- -60 points

Atobe-san's Island- +40 points

Ku-chan taking me out for my birtday- +20 points

Being rejected by Miyuki-san- -30 points

Ivy-chan dying- -40 points

Current happiness points = -10 points. I'm in the negative. No wonder I feel so down. I'm looking for ways to be happy. I don't want to burden anyone with my sadness...but the things I once loved aren't bringing me joy right now. I feel like I can do very little without wanting to cry. I've tried meditating, therapy, massages, new hobbies....nothing is working. I miss my friends. It hurts that our friendship was just superficial to them, that I never really matter...That I was so easily replaced.

But I'm still holding out hope that this is all leading up to something good. I have to hold on to that hope. Otherwise, I'm only a burden.

Ku-chan...maybe we should hold off on our trip. In fact, I should probably move out. I'm only making myself miserable because I worry that I'm making you miserable.

It isn't fair that a simple crush can end in a broken heart like this. Whatever happened to just finding people attractive, and not actually wanting them?

I'm too desperate for attention. I need to learn to cope with being on my own.

Shiraishi Yukari, known by her fans as Yukarin, has officially been removed from the group YuriSunrise after a kidnapping incident last week. Hello Project has decided this is the best course of action, both for the well being of Shiraishi-san and the well being of the group. Newcomer Honda Ayumi will be replacing Shiraishi-san effective immediately. Shiraishi Yukari will be retired from the company effective immediately.

I had to be told through a press release. No one asked me. This is what happens to an idol when something bad happens. As if my wounds weren't deep enough already, now I don't even have a job to go back to. To my fans, I'm sorry. This wasn't my decision.

I had to force her to sleep last night. And today she wasn't cooperating with getting dressed.



It took some yelling, which I'm sorry about, to finally get her in the outfit I wanted, but she wouldn't stop crying, so her make-up looked awful.



But she's still not happy. She's so cute, but she can be such a little, ungrateful bitch. I'm taking such good care of her, and she's still being mean. I did the unthinkable and I hit her...I'm sorry, Yukarin, but you weren't listening. Then, I had to put her to sleep again. Maybe she'll be in a better mood when she wakes up.

Don't look at me like that, Yukarin. I know it's early and you want to sleep, but we have to get moving. We're going to go on a grand trip before our wedding. I've got a car and all of our locations planned out. I'm so lucky I have a special place where no one else can bother us. You're so cute, even when you're tired. I'm sorry I yelled at you, but the picture wasn't coming out right. But the result is nice, isn't it? Come now, don't cry.

Mom and Dad want me to quit. They think it's getting too dangerous, but I keep telling them it's okay. The group is taking two months off, our first break ever, and it's because of me. The other girls say its fine, and their acting gigs will keep them busy.

But I feel pretty terrible. I don't like being an idle idol.

...

Hopefully, that made someone laugh.

That would be me very, very, upset!

I know stalkers are just a thing, and most just follow you and take pictures, and that's it, but-!
He grabbed me, and made me fall. My legs are all scratched up. That girl saved me! If she hasn't have been there, who knows what he might have done.

She ran off after him, so I didn't even get to say thanks, so I'm doing it here! Thank you, so much!